Hearing the news that I had cancer impacted me in ways I never anticipated. The strong emotions that flooded my soul came in waves, with moments of calm in between.
We called my parents and Dan's parents that evening, once we'd had a few hours to partially digest the diagnosis ourselves. Those were hard moments. Tears were shed. Words were few. Love was shown.
We pillowed our heads and poured out our hearts to the Lord. He understood our thoughts, and He heard our prayers.
Surprisingly enough, sleep came easily for me that night. I was exhausted. But I awoke around 3 a.m., and the tears wouldn't stop. I talked to the Lord then picked up my phone. For some odd reason, I checked my email and saw my mother-in-law had forwarded a devotional to me that she had found hours before. God used this email to remind me that He sees the big picture.
I don't remember much about what I read except that John 9:1-3 nearly jumped off the page.
And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, "Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "Neither has this man sinned, nor his parents; but that the works of God should be displayed in him."
Reading those words helped me understand a few things:
1) People often think there has to be some sin related to or causing an illness
2) God sees the big picture
3) God has a purpose: He wants to use this illness to bring glory and honor to Himself by displaying His works through me.
My desire is that He will be honored and glorified in this trial that He has chosen for me.
Although I tried to get back to sleep in those wee hours of the morning, many thoughts crowded my mind. The reality of cancer was hitting me. My life and the lives of our children were flashing before me. Wow! I had no idea what people who have gone through cancer were really facing.