"What is your biggest fear?" my husband asked one night. I was taken off guard because I don't consider myself a fearful person. But his question forced me to think.
My audible answer was fearing that my children and family wouldn't love God with all their hearts. And while that answer was truthful, I don't think that was exactly what he was getting at. So in the following weeks, I did a little more thinking about what kind of fears might be lurking in my heart.
One day when I ran into Kirkland's, I found a real keeper on clearance. Sitting there with my name on it (well, almost) was a wall hanging that read, "Fear not tomorrow...God is already there." I'ts been on our living room wall for a few years now; so whenever I sit in my favorite chair, my eyes land on it.
Something about a cancer diagnosis followed by seeming recovery brings great hope to the soul. And sometimes, it brings a desire to bury the past as deeply as possible so as to forget everything that ever happened.
But then stark reminders glare at me. Someone I love is diagnosed with cancer. A friend's cancer returns. My own oncologist appointment is scheduled. The MRI is tomorrow.
One of my greatest fears? The nasty cancer that once showed its ugly head will return again, with a vengeance. Do I think about it every day? Probably not. Is it ever far from my mind? Certainly not.
This past Wednesday, I was fearing "tomorrow"--the back-to-back tests scheduled for the next afternoon. I really was trying to trust. And I was desperately asking God for His help to be calm and restful.
In God's providence, the first Scripture I read Thursday morning was "Do not be anxious about anything..." from Philippians 4:6-7. (Apparently that verse encouraged me in January of 2011 as well.)
God's Word is powerful and speaks to my soul. This reminder was just what I needed: Don't be anxious. Instead, purposefully give that anxiety to God, with a spirit of thankfulness, and His peace will guard my heart and mind. I may not be fully aware of my greatest fear, but I know this: whatever I am fearing right now needs to be given to God. He will take it and replace that fear with His peace. Sounds like a great exchange to me!
Below are the lyrics to the song that runs through my head, thanks to that reminder on my wall. I trust they will lift your eyes to the Source of Peace.
"Fear Not Tomorrow"
In this age of uncertainty, Questions come to my mind--
What is waiting ahead for me And the rest of mankind.
Fear not tomorrow; God is already there.